With all the new health management gadgets available becoming more and more widespread and cheap (even in the form of free iPhone apps),  your brain, your stomach, your heart, your lungs, and your muscles can finally talk to you in the familiar language of graphs, diagrams, and spreadsheets.

No analogical distortions. No more wasting time on painful and error-prone experimentation with your way of living. Upload your age / gender / nutrition / exercise / sleeping pattern / heart rate / body temperature statistics to the company’s website and get your personal lifestyle guidelines. Being healthy has never been so easy before.

In fact, though, there is a whole redefinition of the notion of health under way. We don’t have the time and courage to confront our body; we gradually rely upon devices to do this. The intricate bodily world of micro-vibrations, mysterious signs, and ambiguous ephemeral states cannot fit the universal clinical life-patterns determined by scientific models for our own well-being.  The solution is simple: upload your physical signals to your device, disembody your processing functions and exchange them for an objective program, which in turn quantifies the signals and compares them to preset optimum technical goals. Breathe deep and let your consciousness take a mediated multiple-choice light-weight form — your organism’s metadata is now explicitly recorded. No more ambivalence and frustration. Ignorance is health. Now, via your health gadget interface, you can manage your body like a virtual pet.

So, next time you feel uneasy ask your graph how it feels. It knows better.

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